My Digestions: 8 Months On
I really never considered that once I actually earned my own money that my spending money would go towards doctor and physiotherapy bills, supplements and health foods. Is there a lesson in this? There must be.
Just as you think you are finally going to get ahead in life (whatever it might look like for you), something gives. Markus Rothkranz explains life in terms of a video game: you are always at the level that you can handle. Once you overcome the obstacles in that level you will graduate to the next level where the old challenges are replaced by new ones. This is somewhat comforting and on another 'level' somewhat more terrifying. If I graduate this level, what the hell is waiting at the next one? How much more do I have to deal with? Is there such a thing as happy? Or content? Inner peace? Or am I hoping for something that perhaps does not exist? Or at least for me never will because my expectations are unrealistic? I don't know.
What is so far-fetched about expecting happiness in one's life? But maybe there comes the trap because if what you have does not translate to happiness already, you may start to do the 'once I...' thing. Once I have my own house I'll be happy. Once my health is better I'll be happy. Once I have family in my life I'll be happy. But this assumes, I think - and I only think because assumptions are so hard to pin down - that everything else in your life will stay as it is and you will simply be gaining the final triangle to your trivial pursuit pizza shape thingy. Or more simply stated, you're one check closer to completing your to-do list to your 'happy place'. It's like you are on a journey to somewhere, and you know you only have to fill your tank one last time before you get to your destination. BUT!...on the way there your door falls off, or your muffler (which has happened to me), or your steering wheel (can this happen?) and you run someone over and suddenly you realize - even if you get there - your life won't be perfect because you are now missing some other stuff...and you've killed someone. And you just have to find a way to live with this feeling of things being 'incomplete', or of being 'not quite there'.
Maybe analogies are not my thing.
Anyway, this has come to my mind because as I'm paying for a chiropractor; am still paying for probiotics and adrenal and liver supporting supplements; bioavailable, naturally derived vitamin C and D3; and adaptogenic, immuno-modulating, anti-fungal, anti-microbial, anti-thisthatandtheother dried herbs, I'm experiencing that whenever I think I'm going to have some money left over for vain, hedonistic luxuries, my mind goes 'Ah! Now I can buy those fancy probiotics since I'm out of mine in a few days...' And there goes the little extra I'd managed to end up with. Ugh. It makes me sick! (figure of speech - obviously it's purpose is to make me well!).
One-and-a-bit months later:
Okay, so this is how long I take to publish my blogs! A quick update I think is in order and it is good news indeed. I did buy those fancy probiotics, and whether it is coincidence who knows, but after a couple of weeks of taking them I have experienced a dramatic improvement in function and symptoms of my stomach. I'm so confident in the promise of how much better I have been feeling (and consistently so) that I am going on record to say that everything is going to be fine. At first I was uncertain as there has been a bit of ebb and flow to my recovery but this is different. The uncomfortable burning, queesy and gassy sensations are almost no more and by far for me the most telling is that I was able to drink a out of my big cup a coffee, broken up immediately by a little glass of water, and then ANOTHER big cup of coffee (don't judge me I was letting loose - life has been tough beyond what I can share with you!!). And then my husband and I went for our Sunday evening treat - a big Starbucks chai latte. Then I came home and had a steak for dinner. And right now I've just started on my bed-time chamomile. And you what I feel? Nothing...It is beautiful and for the first time I truly feel like I am getting my future back. The last two years have just blindsided me to a point where I'd stopped thinking about my future apart from wondering how I was going to survive for another 50 years, nevermind build a house, be a wife and mum and so forth. I've invested sickening amounts of my very precious savings on giving my body the best shot to heal and but it was such a slow journey that made the commitment to go to all those chiropractic visits and doctor visits so much harder. And at the end of the day maybe a probiotic I found myself may have really made the biggest difference or maybe the foundation was laid by all the groundwork I've done over the past 2 years and this was the final support to give my gut that boost! I don't know. My intuition says the chiropractic and the probiotics have been the final two major players. And that is another thing - after seeing the chiropractor for 12 weeks twice weekly at $50 a 15 minute session, I am finally noticing a distinct break in my pattern of shoulder, neck and back pain that is so encouraging that I think in the final 6 weeks ahead I will experience the most benefit yet, as it is only in the last 3 weeks that I started to feel the pain receding and noticing that it did not show up as reliably with its usual triggers as in the past who know how many years. It just blows my mind how a change can happen so suddenly. I've learned such deep lessons, however unplanned this journey has been, that I simply know that I have formed some life long paradigm shifts and habits that will benefit me and my family, and maybe even my friends, a long way down the track.
Until next time.